Verities of a Writer's heart

twitter

2009-07-14T06:42:00.001-07:00

i'm not updating this blog anymore. :)

http://twitter.com/pixelatedmemory

Colorgenics

2008-11-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You like the better things in life. You are sensuous and emotional. You are a follower of the Arts and you seek an environment that will give you the fulfilment to the senses that you need.

Your confidence has been shattered. There are so many things that you would like to do with your life, so many dreams to be fulfilled - and you know that your hopes and dreams are not just figments of your imagination, they are real and you are looking for reassurance from someone. Basically your fears are such that you may be prevented in attaining your hopes and dreams. Even now you would like to broaden your fields of endeavour but in order to develop your 'inner- self' you need peace and solace. You are distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from attaining your goals. What you really need at this particular moment in time is quiet reassurance from someone close to you to restore your confidence.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

Chris Brown and Rihanna

2008-10-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

Two of the most famous and award-winning artists of their generation will perform live at Taguig City.

Those artists are none other than Chris Brown and Rihanna! :)

Yep, I'm going to watch it and I already have the ticket.

I went to National Bookstore RP to try my luck in buying the ticket but the customer service there told me that the tickets are only being sold at selected outlets. I asked her which outlet is she talking about, she told me to try National Bookstore Harrison. Then, she told me to go to RP's cutomer service. I obediently(lol) went there but unfortunately, the customer service assistant had a break. So, i waited for a few minutes then she came back to her post. And I approached her and ask her if there are other ticket outlets of the CB & R concert at RP. And Alas! She told me to go to the Robinson's Department Store Customer Service where they are selling the ticket. Parang Pinagpasa-pasahan lang ako di ba?Haha

At the third customer service, I asked about the CB & R ticket. I told the person there that I wanted the 1,545 pesos ticket. She told me "yung SELVER?" Trying to hide my laughter, I smiled and said yes. Hahaha. :) Voila! She gave me the ticket and a brief orientation about the ticket.

The concert is free standing so nakatayo kami. Haha.

malayo ako sa stage. LOL. Hahaha

THE SOUND OF ONE HEART BREAKING

2008-10-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

THE SOUND OF ONE HEART BREAKING
by Karen Kunawicz

Ever come across this zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books?

You know, the one that asks what is the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what's the sound of one heart breaking and I might have an answer.

Welcome to the dark side of love.

What is the sound of one heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals she gave you.

It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it's the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.

It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love you" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves at the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses she gave, the sound of the music she used to make going to your gut.

The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of sharpened kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear. It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of winged creatures dying and falling on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

** This is so sad. :(

GREEN will always be my color

2008-09-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

we may have lost the championship.
but green will always be the color of victory for me. :)

Thank You Jvee 'J-shock' Casio! Good luck on the career that you'll have after college.
We're going to miss your presence in the court.

Congrats to the DLSU Green Archers! We're still proud of you! Animo La Salle!

and

Congrats to the New Champs, The Ateneo! Ooh, this is the first championship for Coach Norman Black. So, all the Black People out there! "Congrats Nigga! " hahahaha. peace! Bye bye Chris Tiu! No one's gonna miss you. Joke. :)

Let me borrow ateneo's 'loser' quote: "win or lose, it's the school we choose." hahaha. ay ang baduy. :P i need to think of a loser quote that's original and doesn't sound baduy

And Here's a message for UAAP Season 72 :

WE'LL BE BACK!

push the limit. animo spirit.
repeat the animo feat.

Ninoy's Letter to Noynoy

2008-08-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

August 25, 1973

Fort Bonifacio

11:30pm

Mr. Benigno S. Aquino III

P E R S O N A L

LIHAM NI NINOY KAY NOYNOY

My dearest Son:

One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.

In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.

The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet "muleta" and sword. The Spaniards call this "the moment of truth." This is the climax of the bullfight.

This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie's, your sisters', yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.

I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I've been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the "Anti-Subversion Act" and murder.

You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.

You may ask: why did you do it?

Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.

You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.

For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.

Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.

The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.

I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.

In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.

Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.

Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.

It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.

I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant's revenge.

It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.

Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.

I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.

In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.

Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.

Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.

I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.

The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.

There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.

Son, the ball is now in your hands.

Lovingly,

Dad

Remember not the face from the 500 peso bill or the name of the international airport.. rather remember the man who fought for our country's freedom from martial law, remember a hero, remember Ninoy Aquino!. :D

"On one of the long corridors of Harvard University are carved in granite the words of Archibald Macleish:

"How shall freedom be defended? By arms when it is attacked by arms; by truth when it is attacked by lies; by democratic faith when it is attacked by authoritarian dogma. Always, and in the final act, by determination and faith."
- Ninoy Aquino's Arrival Statement

National Hero or Not?

2008-08-07T01:38:00.000-07:00

Veneration without Understanding vs. Veneration with Understanding

"JP Rizal: A National Hero or Zero?"

Probably one of the most debatable issues until today is Jose Rizal’s legitimacy as the Philippine’s National Hero. Renato Constantino, a historian, wrote the Veneration without Understanding which constitutes the main arguments refuting Rizal as the national hero. He provided points such as Rizal being appointed by the American as the national hero, Rizal being an illustrado, Rizal being against revolution, Rizal going to other countries while his motherland is stricken by poverty and cruelty from the Spaniards and Rizal’s alleged letter of retraction. His article became controversial. On the contrary, Armando Malay wrote the Veneration with Understanding as a response to Constantino’s article. He gave an answer to every argument that Constantino had pointed out. He made a good rebuttal to disprove the Veneration without understanding.

Taking into consideration the two articles, I have managed to gain my own insights and my own understanding regarding the matter. First, I believe that it is also a good thing that Renato Constantino came out with the Veneration without Understanding. For me, it is an eye-opener and a wake-up call as well for us Filipinos to be involved with issues concerning our beloved country. If it wasn’t for his article, Filipinos would not even try to scrutinize or discover why Rizal became our national hero. The article taught us not just to accept certain concepts and ideologies, rather we should learn to dig deeper to the meaning and reason behind it. He also made a point when Rizal was appointed by the Americans as the national hero. I believe that there was really a poor representation of the Filipinos when the voting for the national hero was done. Only selected Americans and Filipino elites were given the chance to vote. On the other hand, Armando Malay gave the answer to the questions that were brought out after the article was published. His article presented the facts that are needed to understand why Rizal deserved to be the national hero of the country. He was able to made good justifications on his stand. He stated in his article that prior to the proclamation of Rizal as the national hero Filipinos were already celebrating Rizal’s heroism. The KKK also has a high regard for Rizal even though he was not a part of their revolution.

My conviction on the controversy about Rizal’s legitimacy as the national hero is still in between. I shall discuss briefly my take on each side.

Rizal somehow contradicts himself in refusing to support the revolution. Did he not understand the consequences of publishing Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo? What is his reason for publishing his novels if he did not want a revolution? It seems that Rizal did not really want independence from our colonizers. Can it be true that his dramatic death just magnified his heroism? On the other side, Rizal reminded me of this quote: “The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyrs.” ---Muhammad. One does not need shedding of blood to liberate one’s country. Take into account the case of Mahatma Gandhi of India; he managed to make the Great Britain bow down without any force. Also, Rizal showed that choices make big differences. He made a stand; he weaved words into masterpieces and shared it to the Filipinos to open the dormant nationalistic hearts of his fellowmen. His spark of ideas brought about inspiration and motivation for the Filipinos not to let themselves be abused and helped them stand up to their own feet.

Whether Rizal deserves to be the national hero or not is still a nation-wide debate that would go on for a long time but the truth that Rizal loved our country is without a doubt and is unquestionable. I believe that if Rizal is still alive up to this very moment, he would not care being a national hero or not. All he ever wanted was to give back to his homeland, and I’m quite sure that our motherland embraces Rizal’s unwavering love. National hero or not, Jose Protacio Mercado Rizal y Alonso Realondo will forever remain in the minds and hearts of the Filipinos. And that is a fact that cannot be refuted anymore.

The choice of friends matter

2008-07-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

I would rather have friends who don’t believe in everything I say than a friend who believes in hearsays about me.

I would rather make friends with someone who shares his or her self with me than someone who tells his or her whole life’s story with me. I do not need to know everything about you, I just need to know you.

Your friends are going to be the people whom you will share your life with for a long long time. Might as well choose the RIGHT friends than waste your precious time with individuals who do not deserve to be called 'friends'.

Friends

2008-07-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

"The best mirror is an old friend." - George Herbert

"Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
- Euripides, Greek playwright

"Misfortune shows those who are not really friends."
- Aristotle

- Samuel Johnston

Those are just some of the famous quotes about friendship.

untitled

2008-07-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

"They say you'll never know the true meaning of something unless you have experienced it yourself."
[to be continued...]

A solution to all

2008-06-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Is your life in deep shit?

Are your dilemmas seem unbearable?

Do you have a burden that's too heavy for you to carry?

If you think everything's all fucked up.

If you're desperate and in need

for immediate solution to all of your problems.

Don't worry.

There's an answer to all your prayers,

a solution to all your predicaments.

Introducing, FUKITOL!

haha

Just fukitol!

for my father

2008-06-15T07:03:00.001-07:00

Dad,

thank you for being half the reason why i exist. (the other half is mom)

thank you for all the sacrifices that you have done for our family,

thank you for the times that you had to give up your happiness

just for our sake.

thank you very much for loving us without any condition at all.

thank you for just being you.

for being the imperfect dad that you are, thank you.

for being stubborn as ass sometimes, thank you.

for scolding me when i became too naughty, thank you.

for the times that you give us everything that we want while you don't get yours.

i remember when i was young, i always ask you to buy me chocolate everytime you go home from work. and you always did, thank you.

i will always be the son who'll keep on waiting for his dad and his pasalubong, a chocolate bar. :)

Dad, Papa, Tatay, Itay, you will always be my father and nothing can ever change that. :)

I love you Dad.

P.S.

Dad, i need money now. haha

send me some. haha

kidding'. :))

three straight partying weeks

2008-06-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

alchemy-ascend-embassy.

i couldn't believe myself that i did this.

three consecutive weeks of non-stop partying (and drinking?).

hahaha.

am i now becoming a party animal? haha. maybe.

but hey, i'm young and single so there's nothing wrong with partying. hahaha.

seriously though, i'm happy that i act my age and not a trying-hard-to-be-adult-because-of-college. hahaha. :)
i'm glad that for those partying nights, i managed to set aside the stresses and pressures coming from different factors.

weeee..

car, sa birthday mo ah? jager tayo! hahahaha. :D

+ a party goer is not a wild child. +

"Let the spontaneity of youth take over you. Be yourself. Release your inhibitions. Live the good life. "

Friday Adventure- May 23, 2008

2008-05-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

It was Friday and only 3 days away before another hell term begins. Haha. Luckily, I was able to maximize my last few days of “vacation”. It was undoubtly an adventure to remember.

My day began when i went to BPI Makati to meet up with my aunt. When I arrived there, I found out she was not there. haha. Her office is at the 14th floor of the building and to find out that i went there for nothing is a little bit of disappointing. haha. So, i sent her a text message and she called back instructing me to go to delifrance. Upon arriving at delifrance, we talked for a few minutes, and when I was about to leave, she gave me money. weeeeh. haha. Yes, natuwa na ako dun!

As I was walking towards greenbelt, my mom called and we had the usual conversation, the kamustahan and all. Then I told her that I'm going to DLSU to enrol myself. She also told me to ride a bus going to buendia, and then ride a jeep to DLSU. And it's cool because I only get to pay 18 pesos as compared to riding the LRT and MRT just to get to DLSU from ayala. haha. Nakatipid pa, ayos!

At DLSU, I saw lots of people outside the accounting office.The seats outside the acc'tng office are fully occupied so other's are standing. The enrolment procedure is slower than usual maybe because of the number of people that they're handling on that day.

After enrolment, I rode the LRT to EDSA Taft, then rode the MRT to Shaw. (Yes! Mejo magaling na akong magcommute.) At Shaw, i went inside EDSA Shang because Car is inside waiting. :p We met up there and after a few minutes, walked our way to MEGAMALL just to buy a pouch and another stuff.haha. Wala naman kasing mura sa Shang e. :D After purchasing the pouch, we went to Krispy Kreme to eat doughnuts of course. Nilibre ako ni Car, wohoo!

Then, we went back to Shang. We were to meet Migs by 5:00pm. We're a few hours early so we kill time by going inside some shops, and by walking all around the mall. We decided to eat some ice cream at Haagen Dazs. This time, I treated car. She had a single scoop of dulce de leche and I had the usual, Macadamia Nut. We took our time savoring the ice cream. hahaha. After eating ice cream, we walked and we walked some more, it's a walkathon for short. By 4:30pm (?), Migs finally arrived but we're still waiting for jeatte, corrine and tasha. Knowing tasha, we know she'll be late. hahaha. peace tasha. We stayed at Le Coeur de France and took some pictures using Mig's new phone, N95. So Cool pala ng n95. haha. After such time, we saw wilex! Hoy wilex, nakita ka naman. hahaha. :D ehem! wala lang.

It was pass 6pm when jeatte arrived, we stayed for a while at Shang but eventually, decided to go to Mig's house and just let corinne and tasha go to mig's house by a taxi ride. At Mig's house, we ate pizza for dinner. wooh. i miss pizza. :) I think tasha and corinne arrived at about 8:30?! haha. Then, we take vanity to its peak again by taking lots of pictures at mig's wonderful house. fyi : si mig's may bagong phone, bagong pc and bagong laptop. PM me if you want to kidnap him.

We left mig's house at around 9:40pm and we arrived at Alchemy by almost 11:00pm. Cool, maganda rin pala sa alchemy. Though di masyadong maganda ang location nya. Before entering Alchemy, we met up with Drew first. It was already 11:00pm but there wasn't many people inside. We we're supposed to find a seat pero 10,000 pesos pala ang babayaran for the VIP seats. But at least drew was able to find a seat that's for free. :) Bumili na lang kami ng drinks namin. :D It was pass 12:00pm when we got to party! wohhoooo! Party like there's no classes on Monday! hahaha. :) It was so fun though I don't feel the sound system. May part pa nga na may gap yung music eh. yung parang tumalon?. haha. :D

It's great to party with your friends, nakakatanggal ng stress! :D Next time ulit! haha.

parentless this summer

2008-05-16T23:22:00.001-07:00

disclaimer :
this blogpost won't inspire you and won't be of help to you. so, if you still want to read this, then go on. hahaha.

my mom and my brother are not here in the philippines
which leaves us (my other brother and i), parentless.

in some ways, it's kinda cool.
you know, without the "sermons" that sometimes come out of nowhere,
and all the "do this, do that" or the "don't-you-know-how-to-fix-your-bed?" taglines of my mom.

when i first realized that my mom's going for a vacation,
i said to myself "Great! I'll get even more stuck here at home since I have to take care
of a lot of stuffs including taming my wild brother. lmao."

well, indeed i was right.
haha.
but it's okay.

at least, she gave me money. haha.

but then, she gave me the responsibility to allocate the budget for daily market expenses
and so on.

it's cool coz' i get to be the boss of the house. haha. though no one seems to care even my own brother. haha. kiddin'.

i am really bored right now,
i'm all alone in the room doing nothing.

and my brother (who was supposed to be with me right now) is somewhere out there beneath the sun probably swimming and having fun.
yes, he's gone with his friends. and they went some far place just to have a swim.

ahaha.

so here i am, literally alone.
dad's not here
mom's not here
paolo's not here
anton's not here.

while i rot myself here at home.

should i go to the mall?
should i watch a movie?

i should.

but i can't.

haha.

weeeeeee.

pero one of these days,

kailangan kong maglakwatsa.

it's not normal to be normal

2008-05-02T06:04:00.001-07:00

nobody is normal.
we just all differ in our level of abnormalities.

haha.

sorry, senseless post.

my summer class info

2008-04-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

As if anybody would care about my summer hahaha.

Wala lang. Since I don't have anything to do right now, I'll post my summer sched na lang. :))

Note: This is what boredom can do. hahaha.

Writing is my soul

2008-04-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

"Writing is more than a best friend, a lover, a mother, a father, a brother or a sister. It is your heart and soul reflected on a piece of paper, weaved into strings of words, and personified through your trusty pen."

Writing has always been a part of me. I carry it inside my heart every single day. Like a shadow, it is with me all the time.

Growing up, I never thought that I'd learn to love writing.
When I was still young, I never had that inclination to write my heart out. For me, writing was just a school activity done at school and left at school.

I was not exactly sure when our how I started to love writing. It came to me in just a flash. The next thing I knew is that I begin writing poems and essays, and blogging. I didn't even know that I am actually making sense with what I write back then. I just write and write and write till my pen runs out of ink or till my fingers got tired of pressing the keys of the keyboard.

I am not a grammar police nor a punctuation checker. I have no particular standards into what I write. I have this understanding of writing : "Writing is not perfected through correct spelling, excellent grammar, and longetivity of composition. It is through the unity of a person's heart, mind and soul that one writes the best."

Writing is neither my profession nor a simple pass time, it is who I am. It is my outlet of my thoughts and emotions. It is my counselor when I have problems, my guide when I'm at lost, and my sanctuary when there's no other person that I can turn to.

I may not be an exceptional writer but the hell I care, I don't write to impress rather I write to express.

People may not understand the way I truly am but I need not to explain anything to them. Let them be perplexed and be baffled by the mystery of being me. :)

J'adore writing! :)

To everyone who loves to write : Never let go of your love for writing. It will take you places even without lifting a foot. Just write, write and write.

POETRY : Like Glue

2008-04-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

[wrote this poem more than a year ago]

Your face is worth a thousand w o r d s

You're beautiful beyond all worlds.

You seem so perfect,

while I need a quality check.

We're standing in the same horizon,

But it feels like we're in different dimensions.

My hands want to caress you,

I'm stuck on you like glue.

But you don't even care,

As if i was never there.

Between us is a line you drew,

Keeping me far from you.

You made me feel all the pains of hell,

You made my heart bleed and swell.

Of all the hurts you've given me,

I can't find a way to get angry.

I don't know if I'm in love with you,

I don't really have a clue.

But this I believe that's true,

I'm stuck on you like glue.

state of ennui

2008-04-14T08:58:00.001-07:00

i am BORED.

and i'm feeling LAZY too.

i am at the verge of sheer desperation into doing anything just so that i won't be B-O-R-E-D anymore. joke. OA naman.hahaha.

well, pardon me for my rantings but i am just so freakin' bored. :D

can anyone amuse me right now?! hahaha. :D

my grandfather's quotable quotes

2008-04-08T10:37:00.001-07:00

these 'quotes' came from my grandfather, Luis Salvador's letter to my grandmother. Friends, year 1940 ang letter na ito! hahaha.

"In fact, I have it known to you preciously that my only happiness or my only happiest moments in Manila is when I write you something. You might say I am foolish and that you can not believe because it is really hard to believe...and to imagine what other people can do"

"But here is what I do to get the thrill whenever I write to you: I always place myself in such a situation that I seem to see you in person before I begin writing. Then, as I start writing, I consider myself talking to you face to face. So that everything I say in my letter I always mean to say them all to you. "

"I fully understand that women must not only follow, but also make their own decision to retain their dignity. Although in most cases, their opinion is likely absorbed for some better reasons." (hahahaha.. lolo tlga)

"Make up your mind and uncover your opinion. Don't consult anybody else and have full confidence on our "three best friends - sound judgement, caution and common sense. I believe in your well developed faculties, besides, I love you so much that I trust you my destiny." aaaaw... mushy!

from a different letter from my grandpa

"Nobody is a master of time as well as no one else can master time."

my 19th birthday story

2008-04-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

April 4, 2008.

It is of great significance for a person to celebrate his or her birthday. For an individual, his/ her birthday is the most special event in his or her life. It only happens once a year and might as well enjoy it, right?
I don’t expect a grand celebration of my 19th birthday. I don’t expect tons of gifts (woshoo. Plastic.haha) but the least that I expect on my birthday is what I actually got, STRESS. What a marvelous birthday gift!

STRAMIS. I came to school wearing my formal attire in preparation for the STRAMIS Defense only to find out that Ms. Pineda no longer wants us to have our defense. Our group pleaded ang begged for a reconsideration but she was not in the mood for a negotiation. She’s thinks that we prioritize other subjects over hers. For goodness sake why the hell would we even beg for a reconsideration if we do not care about her subject?! I admit that we have faults in moving the schedule for our defense but we never intended it to work that way. Fate is cruel on us on that day, on my birthday. We tried a couple of attempts to ask her again for reconsideration but there’s no point in battling things out at that moment. We waited for her outside the faculty but we never saw her again. Nalusutan ata kami. Wahaha. So, our group decided to email her the next day na lang.

APPSDEV. That’s the whole April 4 was really about, and not my birthday. Drama! Hahaha. The agony of waiting for our demo is like a lasso hitting your back each second. Everybody’s frustrated, worried, pissed-off and fucked-off. Our minds are occupied with anxieties, fear, tension, and stresses. For some time I feel like falling apart all because of great hunger and thirst. Bwahahaha. The last meal I ate was breakfast at jon’s house. I desperately wanted to eat but I said to myself, to be fair for my groupmates, I won’t eat unless they eat too. All for one, one for all. Hahaha. The hands of time moves swiftly and without our notice, demo na namin. :p Allan Chu is right in front of our faces. I was a bit nervous because I will be the one demo-ing. And wala pa kaming bonus nun. Hahaha. Luckily, mabait si Sir kay Tim at binigyan pa kami ng 75/100. Hahaha. But the Mp grade that I need in order to pass is more than 100. We needed to do the demo. Lahat ng desperate attempts ng panghihingi ng tulong sa ibang groups ginawa na namin. Till 8pm naman yung chance na binagay ni sir para mahabol pa yung grades e. Fortunately for us, nagawa naming yung AJAX. Thanks to our friends. And thanks to lez kasi siya yung tlgang nag-ayos nun e. Finally, nagawa naming yung bonus. Nagging 105/100 na kami sa MP3. Thank God! And with that, I passed APPSDEV. Wohoooo. Salamat Salamat sa Diyos! Haha. Worth it ang lahat ng hirap.

After ung MP demo namin, pass 8pm na ata binalak pa namin nila lez at tim na mag-Absinth. Hahaha. But hanggang balak lang yun dahil mamamatay na kami sa gutom. We were supposed to eat at McDo ata but I declined since it’s my birthday and I have to go home naman! Haha. And what’s the sense of celebrating your birthday if you won’t even get to eat your handa? Di ba?! Kahit mamatay-matay na ako sa gutom at uhaw, nagdesisyon parin akong umuwi ng bahay. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, pagod na pagod na pagod na pagod na pagod na pagod na pagod na gutom na gutom na guom na gutom na gutom na gutom na uhaw na uhaw na uhaw na uhaw na uhaw na uhaw na ako. I was not in the mood masyado pag dating ko sa bahay. Sakit ng ulo ko eh. Haha. But deep inside I’m thankful that I passed APPSDEV but half of me is still sad because of STRAMIS. Haha.

Despite a series of unfortunate events and mishaps that occurred on my birthday, I am still thankful for the 19 years of my existence. I am thankful for the life that I have right now even though there are many problems.

the story behind april 3

2008-04-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

April 3, 2008- A day before my 19th birthday and a day before the APPSDEV demo and STRAMIS defense. Tim, Lez, and I decided to sleep over at Jon's house to make our MP3 together with Jon, Jeh, Car, Janna. At first I was reluctant to go but what the heck, i/we NEEDED this sleep over. And by the way, should I call this sleep over? coz' we hardly had a good sleep. Haha.

Anyway, flashback to thursday morning. Again, I wasn't able to attend humaart because I didn't woke up. Hahaha. Car, texted me that I had 8.5 accumulated absences which mean that I exceeded the 5 allowable absences and in essence would result to FDA (Failure Due to Absence.) Waaaaaa. Failing due to excess absences is a total and major piss-off. I still believe that attendance does not measure your competence in a subject.haha. (Now, that's what you call 'palusot' w/ style lol.) I said to myself "I need to talk to our professor" but I have classes to attend and I needed to prepare for our defense in BPOUTSR. So, I arrived at school, ate lunch, read the report for BPO. Then, BPO defense. I guess it turned out well. Then, wirtech demo. T'was okay too.

After the class, I rushed to William Hall to look for MS. Pacis, humaart prof but she's still at her class at Miguel. Then, I went to Miguel and luckily I saw her! Voila! Talked to her but didn't get what she told me. haha. The conversation was so quick that I felt like she didn't want to talk that time. I think she said that " I won't fail students because of attendance blah blah." *sigh of relief.* haha. I went straight back home after to eat and prepare my stuffs. Then, I went to Paco to meet up with Car. We ride the LRT, then MRT. We met up with Jon, Jeh, Tim, Lez at McDo, Q. Ave. After that, we split up into to groups and waited for a taxi. Derecho na kami nun sa bahay nila jon sa 16 Dona Francesca, Filinvest II, QC. haha. Jon, I've memorized your home address.

And by the way, this is the FIRST TIME that I'll spend my birthday at a friend's house. Hahaha. T'was 'fun' naman kahit gumagawa kami ng MP. haha. May nagawa ba kami?! hahahahaha. By 11:30pm, Lez and I emailed Ms. Pineda to move our defense at 1:00pm Friday. I know it was a very late email but it wouldn’t be late if treisha emailed ms. Pineda earlier. Haha. Amf! Haha. So, as time went by, sobrang sabog na kami. Uminom na nga kami ng Bacchus e.. pero napagod na rin kami ng mga 4:00am. Natulog na kami ng 4:00am and then ginising kami ni Tim ng 6:20 am.

"Next time na yung story ng birthday ko. hahaha"

Will it be a happy Birthday?

2008-04-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

On April 4, Friday, I'll be turning 19 years old. Man, Can you believe it? I'm close to being 2 decades old! But as much as I anticipate my birthday, I am so not excited for Friday because first, APPSDEV Demo.. then STRAMIS defense. Wow. Like Hitting two birds with one stone. Damn!

Do you know how it feels like not to be excited for your birthday simply because you have project demo and defense?
Of course you don't, But I do. hahaha. Waaaah.

Lord, Gift nio na sana sakin na maganda ang demo at defense sa friday. Puhleeasse.. :)

I can't believe how your academic life can ruin ruin your self-esteem.hahaha

and I'm laughing but I'm sad and frustrated. haha. Weirdddddddd.

superclubs vs. bars

2008-03-24T10:12:00.001-07:00

haha.

raphael and i learned something from yeye. "the difference between a superclub and an ordinary bar". I actually thought that superclubs and bars are just the same. Pinaganda lang yung term na superclub. hahaha. Di ko alam may difference pala talaga un. Sorry inosente ako. haha.

a superclub's entrance fee comes with a whooping 500 pesos.. and it won't get any lower than that. unless of course, there's a certain event or something. tapos yung drinks daw nila di rin bababa ng 100 pesos. kahit h2o lang. haha.

then yung ordinary bar, opposite lang ng superclub. wahahahha. ang galing ko tlga magdifferentiate. hahahaha.

Sorry naman, napaka-nonsense ng post ko. hahaha. ^_^

my birthday is coming. but i'm presently penniless. :P

Trip down to memory lane : productive vacations

2008-03-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

When I was young, my parents and my aunt (Dad’s sister) wanted me to have a productive vacation. Specifically, they want to enroll me in summer workshops or classes. Here are some of the activities I did during my school breaks when I was still in elementary.
Swimming classes
- I was enrolled at a swimming class at Sucat when I was Grade 4(I think?.) I learned the basics of swimming, how to do the “bubbles”, use a kickboard, and dive!haha. And I remember the swimming relays we had. Nauna yata ako one time. Haha. Pero enrolling in a swimming class doesn’t mean na magiging magaling kang swimmer. Tingnan mo, nakalimutan ko na yung mga tinuro sakin.hahaha. :D

- May continuation pa yung swimming class ko, di ko na maalala kung kalian.haha. grade 6 na ata un. Sa Camp Crame naman! Yes, dun sa military camp. At Militar yung nagturo sakin! Police officer ata? Haha. May cadence pa kami.haha.

Basketball Camp
- I think I was in Grade 5 nung nagbasketball camp ako. Hahaha. I was enrolled at a basketball camp held at Festival Mall every week. I dunno kung once or twice a week siya? Our basketball trainers were actually PBA Players. Yung mga legendary PBA Players. Meaning, mga retired na.hahaha. yung si Ramon Fernandez ba yun?haha. Ang saya nung basketball camp although nung una ayoko tlga.hahaha. pero pag binabalikan ko siya, sobrang galing ng training. Haha. As in professional tlga.hahaha. Ang saya! :p Kaya lang lumaki ako na “bano” sa basketball.hahahaha.

So far, eto lang yung mga naaalala ko.hahaha. Shet, I miss being a kid tuloy lalo. :P

wala akong maisip na title.haha

2008-03-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

The society has imposed certain norms and standards that we should follow. We live by the rules of community. We should do this, do that, and be like this, act like that and so on. Most of the time in our lives, we are being controlled by the expectations coming from our family, friends, mentors, and other people around us. If we didn’t meet their expectations, we are failures. If we didn’t follow societal norms, we’re rebels, weirdos or whatever you may call someone who’s different than what people expect you to be. These are wrong ideals but it’s what’s happening today. No matter how much we deny it, we tend to follow what the society entails us to do.

blah blah. tinatamad akong ituloy. haha.

BROTHERS FOR SALE.

2008-03-03T06:20:00.000-08:00

CARE TO BUY MY BROTHERS?

1. PAOLO LOUIS- 15 years old.

2. MIGUEL ANTONIO- 12 years old.

JUST PM ME for their prices(negotiable).

THEY ARE 'SLIGHTY USED.' NO NEED FOR BATTERIES. :))

NO RETURN.NO EXCHANGE. haha

negative chi is eating me up

2008-02-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I think to myself "Did I ever make something right?"
Well, I guess I did. But more often than not, I always.. and
I mean always mess something else in
my life. I make wrong choices that would
lead me to my doomsday.

"Aren't there any normal people left on Earth, or is everybody just back from hell?"
-Spawn

*sigh* Is the world gone wrong? Did I wake up at the wrong side of the bed?
Or is it just me?

Everything's just not right. FamiLy. schooL. other friends. etc.
Shit, I'm so paranoid. Pinoproblema ko lalo
ang mga problema. Hahaha.
Damn! Ipadoktor nio na ako. Pls.?

Crude, I'm weird.

Hahahahaha.

STRESS + PRESSURE + DEPRESSION
+ ANXIETY = MENTAL BREAKDOWN

political mess

2008-02-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

"The Philippines has already seen and heard countless lies and fabrication of truth from the government. Seeing politicians talk on national television is like watching a low-budgeted fictional show, everything is obviously fake or phony. It is a torture for me to listen to news on government or politics but I would rather endure listening to these lousy reports than act like I’m not hearing anything."

As a Filipino citizen, I cannot bear carrying the knowledge that the leaders of my homeland brutally steal money from the nation’s budget. It seems that government officials have committed all the imagineable sins to our country. There's graft and corruption, plunder, perjury, betreyal of public trust and others. Man! I thought the government is supposed to help and lead the people to the betterment of their lives. Look at our government now! Sure, the economy is probably getting stronger but are we experiencing the benefits of a developing economy? A Big No No! Life's not getting better in the Philippines. No wonder why some people chose to leave the country not just to work abroad but also to run away from all the bull shits that our government is doing.

Scandals and issues bombard the Arroyo regime every now and then. I must say, GMA managed to surpass every problem that her administration had faced. The most recent controversy that her administration is facing is the ZTE SCANDAL. True enough, the people invovle in this issue denies that they have anything to do with the ZTE SCANDAL. If my memory serves me right, I think this issue began with Joey De Venecia filing a case against Mr. Abalos and then, CHED Sec. Romulo Neri exposed that he was bribed by Mr. Benjamin Abalos in favor of the ZTE Broadband Deal. Senate investigation were done regarding this matter. After such time, the star witness Jun Lozada came out saying that he was held captive by what seem to be the military or could be hired men. He was picked up by these men from the airport. He was not supposed to go to the Senate because he was afraid of the safety of his life and his family's welfare too. Only that, he felt the need to tell the whole truth behind the ZTE scandal as a sign of giving back to the Philippines. Names were dropped, events were narrated by Mr. Lozada. As the Senate hearing progresses, more and more issues were unraveled. Some Senators whole heartedly believe in Mr. Lozada, others tried to destroy his credibility but in the eyes of most filipino's he is a hero. He is one of God's answered prayers for the Filipinos. Majority of the Filipinos put their confidence and trust in Jun Lozada that he will be the key to end corruption in the government. For me, he should not be called a hero rather a courageous man who manage to pull himself together and to tell the truth despite the threat in his life. Yes, he had his own share in the scandal but I admire his willingness to bare everything that he knows behind the controversy. I just hope and pray that he will not be used by the power-hungry politicians who just want to be put into position. And I hope that the Filipinos would not cease to support him. I wish that filipinos will not let the ZTE scandal pass by just like all the issues that disappeared like bubble.

I should be programming right now but instead here I am blogging about jun lozada’s expose. Hahaha. Geez, my nationalistic side is coming out again. Hahaha. Go Lozada. Boo Benjamin Abalos and FG Arroyo. Damn you, GMA! hahahaha. :) Wala na kayong mga dignidad. Hahaha.

Feeling all blue on the day of the reds

2008-02-13T05:53:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day or Heart's Day..
For couples, it's "their" day. one of the most happiest moments of their relationship.
For some who are currently single (like me), it's nothing but a cold day full of sentiments.
I'm happy being single.. or probably I just got used to the fact that i'm currently single. But still, there are those short times of longing. longing for someone's skin to touch your skin, lips to press against your lips, and soul to embrace your soul. there are those days where i want affection and care. there are moments where I want to know how it feels to love and be loved all at the same time.
And so, while couples celebrate their love for each other, I, on the other hand, watch roses, chocolates, hugs & kisses that keep passing me by.

I am not bitter, well maybe I am. I don't know. It's my fault anyway that I am where I am right now. senseless isn't it? hahaha.

Anyway, Valentine's day is not only for lovers because it is for everyone who knows how to love. It is for every living creature in this planet who's capable of loving.:)

haha.,

Have a Happy Valentine's day everyone!

if YOU forget ME

2008-02-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

If You Forget Me by

Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
"my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. "

excited for me new laptop

2008-02-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

yeah baby. my new laptop is coming na. although it's not MAC like the one i had before, i'm still excited for it. haha. 3GB yung RAM e. (2GB tas pina-update kaya naging 3GB). yeyyyy!!!! ^.^

hahaha. next stop, iTOUCH or iPOD TOUCH. haha. *fingers crossed*

Warrior of the Light

2008-02-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

For the Warrior, there is no such thing as an impossible

love.He is not intimidated by silence, indifference, or

rejection. He knows that behind the mask of ice that people

wear, there beats a heart of fire.

This is why the Warrior takes more risks than other people. He is constantly seeking the love of someone even if that means often having

to hear the word "no", returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body and

soul. A warrior never gives in to fear when he is searching

for what he needs without love, he is nothing.

- excerpts from "Warrior of the Light" by Paulo Coelho

realization with my course

2008-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

All this time, the society is continuously imparting in us that computers make our lives better. I had that belief with me ever since I was a child but not until I took the course, ICTM. This course changed my every perception about computers. I have realized that computers make people’s lives easier but not for IT professionals. Hahaha.

random idea: dare to face the truth?

2008-01-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

They say the truth will set you free but is it actually possible that the truth, somehow, could imprison you in a much worse confinement than before? Perhaps, the truth doesn’t always equate to freedom. It may momentarily uplift you from your current burden, but it could also lead to a another dilemma.

yes, the truth may set you free but do not forget that facing the truth also has its consequences whether goodor bad.

| this is just a RANDOM idea produced by my faculty of thought. it doesn't necessarily mean that this is my stand. mapaglaro lang talaga isip ko. lols. haha |

frustrations

2008-01-28T02:06:00.000-08:00

"Each passing day constantly reminds me of the things that I should have and should have not done. It's like a recorded video that keeps on playing on my mind. I wake up everyday realizing that I should have taken a different path from what I have chosen. But i am still and immobile, I can not even lift a single finger...."

poor unfortunate soul

2008-01-28T02:05:00.000-08:00

want to know what LUCK had come to me this day?

it's like this, i placed all the files of my Machine Project1 in my USB since my computer is suh a CRAP. a big pile of technological bullshit. I decided to do my MP at my mom's soon-to-be-laptop. So, i then took my usb and checked the files there. It opened, and i deleted some files when suddenly, with one struck of misfortune, my USB got destroyed, damaged, corrupted, or whatever shit you may call it.. basta nasira siya. tapos. hahaha. as in kahit ilang beses kong subukan hindi na siya maread ng pc. hindi na nga nagbiblink yung LED pag kinakabit mo siya sa usb port e. haha.

Hindi lang yung files sa MP ang nawala.. pati pala yung RESIN. haha. :D

Oh well, i have to start from scratch..... fuck. haha

christmas : sadder, through changing times?

2007-12-26T00:04:00.000-08:00

As a child, my perception of Christmas is pure happiness. I don’t care how expensive or lucrative our Christmas decors are or how bountiful are the food that we prepare for Noche Buena. All I care for in the world is being happy with my family. Just the thought of eating a decent dinner with your family, opening gifts under the Christmas tree, taking pictures together simply brings out that joyous glow in me. No other season can be compared to Christmas.

Others feel the same way about Christmas. No matter how hard the times are, people still find ways to be happy during Christmas. People set aside their problems for awhile to welcome this Yuletide season.

But let us not forget that the real essence of Christmas is commemorating and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. As we indulge ourselves to luxury and entertainment, let us find time to pray and to thank God for bringing Jesus into this world.

Through the changing times, i've noticed that christmas isn't the same christmas that everybody loves. i can't deny the reality that this season is getting lonelier and i can't find the reason why. Is it because of the people? Is it because of that fact that life is becoming harder? It's really frustrating for me that christmas is different now.

Since last year, i wasn't that excited for christmas anymore. I was just excited that we'll going to have our vacation after the stressful term that we had. Sure there are gifts, sure there's plenty of food in the table, but it's just not enough. something was lost in christmas, and we've got to find it before it's too late. i don't want to see the day that christmas would just be as ordinary as any day.

I guess other's don't feel the same way as i do, but this is how i feel. :( and i'm sad.. this christmas. i really am.

The EMBASSY BAR FEVER.

2007-12-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

EMBASSY BAR- THE FORT.

SO COOL. Hahaha

bang! bull's eye.

2007-12-05T04:54:00.000-08:00

What's "complicated" and why does it hurt?
It's when you don't know where you stand in a person's life.
It's when you're hanging in dead air and
knowin' you can be thrown off anytime.
It's when you're like more than friends
but not really,
and it's like you're lovers when it's actually otherwise.

Sometimes you would wish
you had never met that person at all,
but at the back of your mind,

you're so thankful you did.

-- from a text message.

the world has a lot of limiting factors

2007-11-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

Each of us has the desire to grow, the desire to succeed and achieve our goals. We all wanted a life that's smooth sailing, a life where we can surpass all the trials that may come our way. In reality, that's not the case. There are trials that we will not surpass, and there are goals that we will not achieve. One of the reasons is simply because the world is filled with a lot of limiting factors. These limiting factors prohibit us from doing the things we have to do.

-..to be continued..-

three out of five

2007-11-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

"we were supposed to be five children in our family. and now, we're only 3."

I've just recently discovered that reality when me and my mom were on our way to Glorietta last Friday(November 9, 2007). I wasn't supposed to be the eldest of my parents' children. Mom had a miscarriage probably during 1988. I thought, "I could've had an elder brother... or a sister?! I always wanted to have an elder sibling." but then, i felt sad for my mom. When I looked in her eyes, I saw loneliness and perhaps there's still pain left inside of her. I asked why she had a miscarriage. She said it might be due to too much stress and pressure. Then I asked her about the second miscarriage. She said that she can't remember when it occurred. I guess she doesn't want to recall that anymore. She also told me that she's not allowed to have early pregnancies after my birth because she had a cesearean operation.. that might triggered the second miscarriage, i don't know, I'm not sure. All I know is, we were supposed to be 5 children (either 2 more brothers, or 2 sisters or a brother and a sister). A gloomy vibe filled my entire soul. I felt really sad. After 18 years of my existence that I've just discovered these sad incidents that happened to my mom. Although some part of me is feeling lonely, a part of me is relieved. Relieved because I could have been the one that died, or the one that was never born into this world. Luckily, I am here. I am alive. I am relieved because If all of us are living, we would probably die anyway due to starvation. We may not have the life that we have now. We may be one of those people who beg for money to make a living. Maybe God lets us experience pain for us to appreciate more what it means to be happy. God lets things to happen for a reason, and that reason is not to make us weak but to make us stronger individuals.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
To the siblings I never had, I love you. :) I know someday we'll finally meet maybe not in this world, but in heaven.

To my brothers, I love you and despite the times that I want you both to evaporate into this world, I've realized that I am BLESSED to have you in my life. and I am THANKFUL that you are my brothers. You're not perfect, but at least your imperfections are the ones that would mold you into better beings of God. Perhaps, someday many people will look up to you.

To my mom and dad, thank you for breathing life to us. Without you, me and my brothers wouldn't be here. Thank You for the countless times you've sacrificed for us. I admire you for making ends meet just to give your children the best of life. Thank you for the undying and unconditional love you're continuously been giving us. Thank you and we Love you Mama and Papa.

kill the world, make it a better place?

2007-11-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

"Grandeur mausoleums prove that the dead lives in a better place than the living."

we give some, we LOSE some.

2007-10-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

"The hardest part of being selfless is losing yourself."

It's really hard to think less of yourself and more of other people.
It's unfair to consider other people's feelings rather than your own emotions.
It ain't right to care for other people who's never gonna care for you that much.
It's unusual to continue being good to someone who's been taking you for granted
for the longest of time.

But still you chose to love the only way your heart knows to love, selfless.

You willingly give your all despite the knowledge that no matter how much
you will receive it is still not as much as what you have given.

But sometimes, in the stillness of everything you demand for attention, for reciprocation,
for a reward, for something in return, or even just a sign of appreciation.

There is this part of you that wants to be loved the way you have loved.
for Once, the selfless wanted to be the selfish.
the giver wanted to be the receiver.
the lover wanted to be the loved one.
the friend who's always there wanted someone
to be there for him as well.

No matter how badly you want things to happen the way you prefer to,
it won't happen that quickly.

:(

"I want to know how it feels to be wanted, to be loved and to be cared for."

LA SALLE's LUCKY NUMBER : 7!!

2007-10-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

got this from keith's multiply... which he got from another person's multiply. haha.

LA SALLE (HAS 7 LETTERS) WINS ITS 7TH TITLE ON THE 7TH DAY OF OCTOBER 2007 IN THE 7TH DECADE OF THE UAAP WHICH HAD ITS FIRST GAME ON JULY 7, 2007.

1. La Salle wins its 7th Title

2. 7th Decade of UAAP. Season 70. 7+0=7
3. 7th day of October

4. Year 2007
5. We beat Ateneo Twice(2) in 5 Games = 7

6. 2 is Greather than 14 ( 14 divided by 2 = 7)
7. La Salle has 7 letters

8. Halftime Score of DLSU is 34. 3+4=7
9. 3rd Quarter ends with DLSU at 52. Again 5+2=7

10. LaSalle has an overall record of 19 wins 6 loses. 19+6=25. 2+5 = 7
11. UE has an overall record of 14 wins and 2 loses. 14+2=16. 1+6 = 7

12. Pumaren has 7 letters
13. The replay was aired last night at channel 61. 6+1=7

14. Archers = 7 letters
15. Final Score is 73-64= 9. Nine (9) points - Game (2) = 7

finally,
DLSU's address:
2401 Taft Avenue..
2 + 4 + 0 + 1 = Yes, that's correct...7 !!!

this begins today..

2007-10-02T19:56:00.001-07:00

from now on i'll be setting boundaries.. limits..

this is the day where i shall draw the line.

nakakasawa na tlga..

i'm tired.. i really am!

the BLUEPRINT of LiFe

2007-09-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: What you are about to read is based only on my point of view.

“I have always believed in destiny, in fate, in kismet, and in things that are meant and are not meant to be. I also believe that God created blueprints of our lives even before we were born into this world. But I believe that God gave us freewill to choose whether or not to follow these blueprints. God gave us the freedom to edit what has been written in these blueprints. Yes, there is such thing as destiny but we weave our path towards the destiny that we want to fulfill. We have control. We are in control of our destiny.”

Destiny is believed to be a phenomenon that is in control of the things that are happening and things that are about to happen. We tend to go where “destiny” leads us. It’s like letting your feet walk on its own without thinking where you’re going. It is said that one cannot defy destiny, what will be will be. Everything that’s happening is all because of destiny. People search for their soul mates all their lives simply because they believe that their soul mates are the ones “destined” to be with them forever. Most of the public accept as true the notion that destiny is in control of our lives and that we are as helpless as an infant when it comes to our fate. Different individuals have different beliefs about destiny but it all boils down to one idea, that destiny is irreversible and that no one can ever control it.

“Yes, I believe in destiny but people have a lot of misconceptions about it.”

Destiny, some may call it fate, kismet, or serendipity, but I call it life’s blueprint.
I believe that each of us has a blueprint of our life written by One Hand. Our life is already planned even before our existence. It is in our life’s blueprint that will determine who will be the parents that will raise us, who will be our friends, what we will look like, and others. There are things that are really meant to happen and things that are not meant to happen. Our life’s blueprint doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s what our life would turn out to be. God gave us the freewill to change what we can change, and do what we can do to make our life according to our own likings. We can make things happen the way we want it to happen. We may or may not choose to follow what has been written for us.

Let’s take it this way, destiny is the sea and you are the captain of a ship. You don’t let the sea take control of your journey but you may do so. What you really do is to sail the ship where you want it to go.

For me, Destiny/Life’s Blueprint is having a choice between letting things happen and making things happen. It is always the taste of both worlds. You can’t always make things happen; sometimes it’s good to let things happen. In the same way, you shouldn’t wait for things to happen rather, you should work to make things happen. You see, we can control our destiny.

Before I end this blog entry, let me quote a line from one of my favorite poems, Invictus by William Ernest Henley : ”. I, am the master of my fate: I, am the captain of my soul”

sex education 101

2007-08-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

Based on surveys.
Based on research and studies..
Based on data...

Premarital sex is very rampant in our society today.

Honestly, that news did not surprise me.
But what surprised me is that highschool students and even elementary students
are already engaged in premarital sex.
i guess they thought that what everbody does is right. well they're wrong.
maybe some were just curious.. just to have the feel of it. *hehehe..*

and in order to attend this problem, the government/deped and some people suggest that sex education should be implemented in the education system.

actually, i have thought of that since i was an elementary student.
i believe that the best way to kiLL ignorance from sex(& its consequences) is EDUCATION.

but then again, thoughts came to me when i received this message :

Open letter to DEPED
by a concerned parent:

"Sex Education
may be a good
idea
in the schools,
pero wag naman
bigyan
ng homework."

hahaha. oo nga naman di ba?.

naisip ko :

paano ang seatwork sa sex educ.?
paano ang group work? (orgy?! haha.)
paano ang group study?
paano ang PRACTICAL EXAMs? haha.
paano ang consultation with the prof?
paano ang recitation?
paano ang projects? and project demonstration? hahaha.(step1. do this. step2. do that.)
paano ang grading system?
paano ang tutorial sessions or remedial classes?
paano ang role play?
paano ka magrereview for exams?

at paano pag bumagsak ka?
REPEATER? ahahahaha.. :D

oh di ba?!

ahaha. wala lang. ehehe. i just find this topic amusing. haha. :s

a wasted life : a different me

2007-08-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

my life is so wasted right now.

:p i have "cut" all my classes this term. I have more than 2 absences in every class. waaa.

this isn't what I pictured my life would turn out to be in college.

When I was in my elementary and High School years, I actually don't like being late or absenting myself from class. I feel like I'll be left out in class.

Well, I'm not really studious even before. I don't study that much.

But hey! I go the class and listen to my teachers. Even though I don't study at Home, I make sure that I have understood the lessons so that I would not have a problem during the exams.

Now, I go to school. either I don't listen to the discussion or if I listen I only understand a few or I don't understand anything at all. Grrrr.. I usually go home with wind and dusts inside my empty head. lols.

Grrr. Life.

It's frustrating to realize the fact that I'm wasting more my already wasted life. Hahahaha.

Ggrrr. Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?!

+Please bear with me.. this is just one of my write-your-heart-out moments. ahaha+

Pero I just can't put the blame on myself di ba? Ahaha..

I want to blame the profs who can not impart knowledge to their students. They are not true to their calling as educators of this society. Kaya nga sila mga educators eh.. to educate! ahaha. :) oh well, adik tlga ako. ahahaha.

weeeeee... :p

pagpasensyahan ang sabog. lol. :D

Parang hindi na umaayos ang buhay ko a... lalong gumugulo... haaaay..

Naaasar ako sa sarili ko at the same time naaawa ako sa sarili ko. Naaasar rin ako sa ilang mga tao sa paligid ko.. T.T ahahaha.

+potahness. kamusta naman ang persef2, may project pa? hassle! grrr. >.< +

mirror post at : http://teejskiepoo.multiply.com/journal

just be the kid that you are

2007-08-05T19:47:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes, it's good to let the spontaneity of youth take over you.."

As we grow up, we want everything to be organized. We plan things that we want to happen in the future, we carefully weigh situations before we create decisions. We become more responsible to our own action. We now consider ourselves as mature people who knows what they are doing.

It's good to have a well-planned life where everything goes the way you wanted to. But isn't it great to look back at the moments where you're totally out of control of something?.. to look back at your recklessness? to reminisce the times you've been wild and crazy? to just being the youth that you are?

I believe that there are moments that we need not to plan, and we need not to be very careful. Sometimes, it's also nice to let the spontaneity of youth, even for a moment, to take over you. Be wild. Be free. Go to parties before your exams. Cram. Procrastinate. Dance like there's no tomorrow. Sing like a rock star. Live your life as if you don't have any worries. Just for once, be the kid that you really are and not the man or woman everybody expects you to be.

taken for granted

2007-08-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

"Nobody wants to be taken for granted... but one is willing to be taken for granted just for the sake of the persons that he/she loves."

Sometimes, the most important persons in your life, the people you love and care for, take you for granted. They don't seem to appreciate your efforts to make them happy. Your sacrifices are often done without appreciation. It's either they don't have any idea of what you did or they are so used to the fact that you're always there willing to give and give-up everything just for his/her sake.

It's a sad reality that those who love more are the ones who are given less love. More often than not, what they have is an unreciprocated love and care for a person.

Being taken for granted doesn't happen only to lovers. It happens to friends, family members, and in working relationships. It happens to almost everybody.

Strangely as it seems, the people who are being taken for granted don't stop caring and loving. It's as if they are happy of what they are doing.

[to be continued]

DLSU vs. ADMU UAAP GAME jitters!

2007-07-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

yey!

tomorrow will be the game of the "La Salle Green Archers" vs. ~~ateneo blue eagles~~..

Even though i will not (despite the fact that i badly want to) watch the UAAP game tomorrow, i will surely support the Green Archers.. Once again, the blue eagles shall fall. ahaha. weeee. *if ur an atenean, and ur reading this blog.. wag kang magdrama jan.. this is my prerogative so wag kang magalit. ahaha.*

Pain : you can run from it, but you can't hide.

2007-07-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

"There's always a point in our lives where we will say that we're used to feeling all the pains of hell... but everytime the wrath and angst of the world inflict our frail hearts, we still get hurt.. none of us will be spared from pain."

not even an armor can shield a soldier from experiencing pain.

not even money can comfort us.

not even intelligence can solve the probability of how to prevent pain.

a doctor can only cure a pain inflicted by physical things

but it can never cure the pain caused by thrown words

that hit your heart, by emotional and mental trauma

and all factors that could break someone's heart and soul.

it just won't work.

because pain is part of our everyday lives.

it's a natural occurence.

an innate emotion.

one can experience pain

even without outside forces.

pain can sometimes be

self-inflicted.

a lot of people believe that disregarding pain

is the best way of ending pain.

other's resulted from the gravest act

any frustated and emotionally battered

person would do:

suicide.

but neither of the two will do,

trying to be numb of all the pain

is like depositing all your pains in a PAIN BANK.

you're just storing all your pains with interest,

killing yourself. on the other hand, will

give you more pain than what you have now.

suicide isn't solving your problems

it's surrendering your very own life.

it's the highest form of giving-up, wahahaha.

hmm.

i may not give a concrete answer to all the pains in the world

but this i would like to say:

Embrace the pain. Acknowledge it but don't drown yourself in it.

Cry once in a while. You can break vases, or other people's faces(joke!) if you want to.

But after all of that, wipe your tears away, stand up and pull yourself together.

fix what is broken.

rebuild what has fallen apart.

recollect.

reflect.

..

.

those who never faced pain will never appreciate what it means to be really

happy.

for there wouldn't be happiness without pain and sorrow.

nagpapaka-emo lang..

sleepless night..

2007-07-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

i slept at 5 am. wow.

then i woke up at 9:30 am. T.T

4 hours and 40 minutes of incomplete sleep.

^.^ *bummer*

i still need to memorize our script for a role play in ELEMFRE(French) aarghh.

flash back : Regrets

2007-07-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

*taken from an entry at my tabulas blog*
-- published : 2006. :)

I have lots of regrets in life, lots of things i wished i didn't do or indulge myself into something. Though most people would say that "One should not have regrets in life", we can never deny the fact that we regret things that happen in our life.

Ever since I was a child, I do some things and end up realizing that i should'nt have done it. I usually regret things that I did that are making my life so-called "miserable." Like words I say to my mom that eventually lead to arguments, Like stuffs I do to my friends that made us quarelling, Like not studying that made me have low grades and many more instances.

Now in college, I have never been more "frustrated" in my entire life. I have never felt so down, so low, so degraded. DLSU did not bring out the best in me, instead it magnified what's worse in me. The question is : "Will i regret studying at the DLSU?" My answer is : "I don't know. I'm not sure." There is yet to discover. and besides, I have friends at DLSU that would keep me company.

I have lots of regrets in life. And I admitted it. I accepted it. I can never go back in time to change the things i regret. But this i know : I have one life to live. Might as well live it to the fullest. Frequent thinking of regrets would'nt be much of a help neither will denying that you have regrets in life.

math anxiety

2007-07-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

I was never really that good in math.

the highest grade i ever had in math was 92/93.

well, that was back HighschooL then. :D

Now, i think my brain is deteriorating!..

I got 23/100 in our first exam at ANMATH.

and i don't know if i'll pass the second exam.

er, i think i'll fail the 2nd exam hahahaha.

Oh God, why am I not good in Math? Hahahaha..

Sometimes, I envy Math Wizards.. because of all the subjects, Math is my waterloo.
It's my weakest point. Make me write a poem, make me paint in a canvass, but never ever make me solve a CALCULUS Problem! Hahahahaha..

- - it's currently raining.
i can hear the sound of the wind and the rain falling from the sky.
i'm actually here at our computer lab at Gox 302.
hehehehe.

:D weee.

2007-07-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it' hard to be different, to live a life that's not according to the norms of the society, to act differently.. but I know, no matter how I don't seem to be normal or good enough in the eyes of everybody, there's someone great up there who understands me perfectly.

Not anymore.

2007-07-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

"We don't do the "family bonding" anymore. We stopped doing that a long time ago, so long that i can't seem to remember what's the last movie we watched as a whole family. so long that i can't remember the last dinner we had as a family."

Change is the only thing that's constant. ü
and whether we like it or not, everything's gonna change.

Take Two..

2007-06-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

"..Hindi naman ako artista pero bakit ako laging nagtatake-two?"

whahahaha.p

Ang hirap naman ng term na to..

may appsdas.deveweb.bisproc. at anmath1..

hahahha..

kaasar naman tlga. :p

^.^ mabuti sana kung magaling ako sa math aT PROGramming e..

ang math lang na alam ko ay merienda, almusal, tanghalian at hapunan..

at ang programming ko ay prog-CRAMMING. hahahaha. :p wooo.

An Ode to a great crawler

2007-06-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

I want to see you bleeding to death..

Slowly gasping for your last breath,

I want to see your lifeless body lying on the floor

after I squished your frail body..

and see your guts scatter all over..

I want to see you DEAD.

I want to see your every essence fade right before my very eyes.

Die Cockroach! Diieeeee!!!!

quotes ng adik.

2007-06-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

"Judge people not by what they take in their mouths... but by what comes out of their mouths.."

"It is not an act of rebellion.. rether a way of exploration and indirect self expression. lols"

"it tastes like heaven but it burns you up inside like hell..."

birthday

2007-06-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: April 4

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next.
Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2
You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Ako at ang hangin

2007-06-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

Habang ako'y naglalakad sa dalampasigan,

Lumapit ang hangin at ako'y hinalikan.

Naramdaman nya siguro ang aking kalungkutan.

Kaya't dumating sya upang ako'y damayan.

Sinubukan kong yakapin ang hangin,

Ngunit ito'y kumawala sa akin.

Hindi ko man lang nahawakan.

Hindi ko man lang nasulyapan.

Mabuti ang hangin,

may pakialam sa akin.

Hindi katulad ng mundo,

na sadyang tinalukuran na ako.

Kaya't ibinulong ko sa hangin ang buong pagmamahal,

Huminga ng malalim, bago nagpatiwakal.

naku naman.

2007-06-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

haii.. bad3p. nawala ko na naman yung shades ko!

ano ba to?.

20 times na ba akong nakakawala ng shades?!

hahahaha.

kaasar.. >:(

waaah. gusto ko uminom sa GP.. at ayoko nang pumasok. haha. :D

Hibla ng Pag-asa

2007-06-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

*this is a REPOST from my previous blog. independence day kc kaya pinost ko toh. *

Ilang beses nang tinanong, ilang beses na ring sinagot ang katanungang "May pag-asa Pa Ba Ang Pilipinas?" Well, xempre naman! Naniniwala ako na hangga't may hininga pa tayo, habang may buhay may pag-asa! (luma na yun di ba?) Oo, isang lumang kasabihan ngunit nananatiling isang katotohanan.

Bawa't tao'y isinilang na may butil ng pag-asa sa kanyang puso. Isinilang tayo na may pag-asa at upang magbigay pag-asa sa kapwa tao natin. hanggang sa paglaki'y daladala natin ang pag-asang ito. Tayong lahat ay may kakayahang baguhin ang ating buhay. Tayong lahat ay may kakayahang hipuin ang buhay ng bawat isa. Tayong lahat ay may kakayahang ibangon at ibalik ang dignidad ng ating bayan.

Gumapang man tayo sa hirap ngayon, bukas tatayo tayong matatag. kung hindi man bukas, sa makalawa. kung hindi man sa makalawa, sa susunod pang henerasyon.

Marahil, naiinip na rin kayong maghintay na makabangon ang Pilipinas. Ako man ay naiinip na rin. Ngunit hindi natin mapagtatanto ang kagandahan ng liwanag kung hindi tayo matututong kumapa sa dilim. (ang lalim?! hahahaha) Ang ibig kong sabihin, mas malalasap natin ang kaligayahan ng tagumpay kung malalagpasan natin ang mga unos ng buhay.

Ang pag-asa'y hindi isang bacteria na mabilis lumaki at kumalat.Ang pag-asa'y tulad ng isang maliit na halaman na nagpupumilit na mabuhay sa gitna ng nyebe. Ang pag-asa'y tulad ng sinag na araw na tumatagos maging sa makapal na ulap. Kailanma'y walang di masisiil ang pag-asa. Kaya kung sa tingin nyo'y wala nang pag-asa pang umunlad ang Pilipinas, pwes mag-isip isip ka!

Balang araw, ang gulong ng kapalaran ay papabor sa ating bayan. Magiging maayos din ang lahat. :D

Maligayang Araw ng Kalayaan! ü

a world without ears

2007-06-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, this world is too busy to pause.. and to listen.

Everybody wants to do something.

Everybody wants to be the one to talk and to be heard.

There isn't much person who's willing to listen openly because I live in

a world that's deaf, a world without ears,

A world that doesn't seem to care and listen to someone like me who wants to be heard.

But thanks to this world, I have learned to write... and i'm passionate about it.

I have learned to express myself through writing. At least, though no one is listening, I am able to free myself from the emotions inside my heart.. ü

- - - - - - - - - -
This world would be a better place if everybody would learn how to listen.

I'm not a very good listener. I misheard and misinterpret things sometimes...but the mere fact that I open myself to listen to others is already a big step in a society where everybody longs to be heard.

the return of the green archers.

2007-05-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

yes! you read that right!

the archers are coming back..

and we're ready to reclaim what is rightfully ours..

we're back at UAAP and no one can stop us now.

hahahaha. feeler no? akala mo naman player ako?! nyahaha.

Anyway, I believe that the Green Archers will once again win the championship not only in the Basketball game but also in other sports in the UAAP..

We were suspended for the UAAP last year. But that doesn't mean that our university is idle. The Green Archers, and other sports team participated in different sports events like HAIL, Nike League, FiLoiL. aun. heheheh

Hmm. I'm really really really really excited for UAAP. ü hahahaha. I'll surely watch at ARANETA. hahaha. :D

wala lang. hahaha...

hmmm... wala na akong maisip na ilagay. hahaha.

writing-my unwavering fervor

2007-05-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Writing.

For journalists, it's a profession.

For others, it's a hobby.

But for me?

Writing is the desire of the heart to break free from the chains of emotions devouring its essence..

It is my undying passion, my utmost desire, and my craft.

It is through writing that I am my own master. There are no rules, no restrictions, no limitations, no boundaries. The sky is the limit. I can write everything that I want without other people stopping me.

Yes, I am a writer. A writer who plays with words and weaves them into heavenly crafts and undeniable masterpieces.

- - - -

This is my new blog.

A portal to every thought and emotion of my heart and soul.ü

I have been to a lot of blog sites already. . but I had a hard time maintaing my previous blog sites. So, i decided to pack up and find a new home. This is my home now.

And I hope I won't be leaving this new home anymore. :D